Apocryphal Stories of the Presidents

An excerpt from the Shouts & Murmurs section of the February 23, 2009 issue of The New Yorker, by Yoni Brenner (who is really awesome).
“Pirates!” the young sailor Andrew Jackson cried. He and MacGraw skittered down the mainmast and in a heartbeat a hundred and twenty men, all sweat and sinew, swarmed the deck, priming [...]